Okay. I don't know why I had the urge to blog. Maybe this is the only place where I feel like I can talk non-stop and let all my feelings out. Yesterday was disastrous. :'( For those who know, let's just keep what happened last within within that circle aight? And thank you to those who were present by my side yesterday. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it alot. :)

I swear I was at my worst yesterday. Thought that things would be getting better, but it got worst even before I knew anything. IT HAD TO HAPPEN. Went to Lisa's house afterwards and I wasn't thinking about anything. I was trying not to think about what had happened. I put on a smile and tried to not let my emotions take over me. But then, Hady called. He wanted to talk to me. So, met at Bedok and we went to Lisa's void deck to talk.

I was tearing a little but after I got to know that he still has the heart to enjoy and watch movie, whereas I was losing my mind, THAT MADE THINGS WORST. I cried like fuck. I don't think I've ever cried to that extent. I swear it was one of the worst, and Hady had to see it. Sorry, Dy. And amongst the crying, I puked. But nothing came out cause I didn't eat for the whole day.

Whatever happens next, those who were there knew what happened. I don't need to explain further. Whatever happens there, stays there aight? Although there was a point of time when I smiled, it was forced. Deep inside, I was feeling fucking disappointed and lost. My mind went blank and I just went into a daze, until Hady nudged me.

Haiz. :'(

Today, I went school as per normal. Somehow, after yesterday, I didn't cry anymore after that. My tears don't fall, they crashed around me. Haha. Nolah, I didn't cry. Although I still do think about it, I didn't shed a tear. Whatever happened keep replaying in my mind, all that I can do is to just shake the thought away. School ended at 10:30am today. Haha. WTH. Only 2 hrs of school. -.- Afterwards, I did my hair. Wheee! :D Was very happy with result. Just pampering myself to make myself happy. And you know what, I freaking rejected food! TSK. Bought mee rebus but ended up only eating 2 spoonful. And Mel had to finish it for me. Don't know why but I just didn't have the mood to eat.

And just now when I was on the way home, I was sleeping when I suddenly feel that someone is leaning close to me. When I opened my eyes, this indian guy was sleeping and leaning towards me, almost got to my shoulder. I tried to move away but there wasn't anymore space since I sat inside. I got so irritated that I fold my arms, poke him using my fingernails and pushed him away. Member terbangun uh beb. HAHAHA. Then, I quickly act as if I was sleeping. HAHAHA. I was trying so hard not to laugh and then in my heart I was cursing, "Hah! Amek kau. Padan muke." And after that, he went back to sleep, but this time he moved away. Haha. AND HE FREAKING SNORES!!!! Shit. I was so irritated cause I can't get back to sleep after poking him. Shit you. Grr.

Hey Dear,

Hmm, I don't know what's happening right now or how I should go about doing things. I don't know what I should do. I don't have the power to make the decision. All lies in your hands. It's either I'm gonna be happy or disappointed. Whatever happens, I'm ready for it cause somehow I knew this kinda thing is gonna happen sooner or later. I've ever told you about what I'm feeling when we went to Geylang to search for Hari Raya clothes. But you assured me, that it's not gonna happen. But look at what's happening now, boy? Aren't I right? I wasn't convince when you reassured me that point of time cause just by seeing the way at how you treat girls, I knew they're gonna fall for you. But never did I expect YOU to fall for them. Cause you keep reassuring me from time to time that you are not like the others, and that you are the loyal type. Without me realising it myself, I've started to believe that YOU'RE NOT LIKE THE OTHERS. But, what's happening right now? Where's all the promises and assurance that you gave me?

I thought our love was strong. But I was wrong. It's only strong for my side. Yours? Idk. If your love towards me was strong, you won't let yourself loose even when you're at your vulnerable and weakest stage. You would have resisted if your love towards me was strong. No matter what kind of shits we fought, I stood by you and remain faithful to you. But you? It's just so fucking disappointing. Just when I was starting to believe that you're different, this had to happen.

Whatever I've done for you, I don't regret doing them cause I was sincere. I love you sincerely right from the start. I've never ask anything in return. I've told you, I don't believe in words. I believe in actions. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. And right now, I'm still waiting for your msg. But, do you still think of me? Haiz. I don't wanna know the answer. Or maybe I already knew the answer, but just that I refused to believe it. :(

Just when I was at my happiest, this fucking shit had to happen. LIFE'S A BITCH AND SO IS KARMA. Since young, I kept telling myself - Expect the unexpected. Shits do happen in life and this is one of the shits that I'm facing right now.

SOMETIMES LOVE COMES AROUND, AND IT KNOCKS YOU DOWN, JUST GET BACK UP WHEN IT KNOCKS YOU DOWN.

Ungu - Cinta Dalam Hati. It's for you. It has been for you since last time, you know what I mean.
♥ 9:55 PM